Speed dating the smarter faster way to lasting love
The millennial generation is putting that theory to the test, opting for what the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher calls “slow love.” Studies show that millennials are dating less, having less sex and marrying much later than any generation before them, and a younger generation appears to be following in their footsteps.These changes have prompted hand-wringing among some experts who speculate that hookup culture, anxiety, screen time, social media and helicopter parents have left us with a generation incapable of intimacy and commitment.Fisher says her research suggests today’s singles seek to learn as much as possible about a potential partner before they spend time, energy and money on courtship.As a result, the path to romance has changed significantly.“They spend less time with each other face-to-face, which may be connected with why they are less likely to have sex with each other.”But Dr. “The more stability you can bring to this, the more likely you are going to find something that really works and works long term.”Tara Parker-Pope is the founding editor of Well, The Times’s award-winning consumer health site.Fisher believes today’s singles are setting a good example for future generations by having a more thoughtful view of marriage and commitment. She calls it “the sex interview.”“In my day you went out on a first date with someone you didn’t know very well, and you went to dinner or mini golf,” she said.“The first date has changed — it’s time consuming and expensive.
Most recently she has collected data on more than 30,000 people related to current courtship and marriage trends. Fisher believes that instead of criticizing and judging millennials, perhaps we should be paying more attention.In 2018, the median age of first marriage was approaching 30 (29.8 for men and 27.8 for women).That’s more than a five-year delay in marriage compared to 1980, when the median age was 24.7 for men and 22 for women.She notes that people who date three years or more before marrying are 39 percent less likely to divorce than people who rush into marriage.“This is a real extended period of the pre-commitment stage,” said Dr. “With slow love, maybe by the time people walk down the aisle they know who they’ve got, and they think they can keep who they’ve got.”Ask millennials and they will tell you that there is nothing casual about their approach to sex, dating and romance.